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Submitted on
October 20, 2012
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69
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This is my one true moment of weakness,
I'm completely vulnerable,
My heart is exposed,
I've been trying to tell you how I've felt,
But the words just would never leave my mouth,
You make the darkness I live in brighter,
Your smile lights my way,
Your laugh shows the path,
your voice guides me through,
When I'm with you,
This hopeless life I lead is given meaning,
I'm risking my feelings,
My heart,
My everything,
Because you make me feel like this life is worth living,
There's no one else like you,
No one even compares to you,
Who you are.
Is the person I love,
No matter the changes,
Nor the time,
I've always wanted you to know that,
But the words would never come out.
This is the poem that I wrote that I will give to the guy I love. I feel like it's missing something but I'm not sure. Please tell me whut you think. DX
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:iconfallingstarxiv:
I don't really know what to say anymore, but this is so sincere. I like the way you strung the ideas together, it seems to flow.
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:iconsaiyurisora01:
SaiyuriSora01 Nov 23, 2012  Student Writer
It's okay. I don't know whut to do anything. I've tried everything.
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:iconafropear:
AfroPear Oct 22, 2012  Hobbyist Artist
This poem is amazing. Takes my thoughts and transforms them straight into words. I feel this exact way about someone when I'm crushing or falling for them. I feel like we are living in the same darkness, and through poetry, I feel we are connected. Your work is truly amazing. It makes me feel... less alone... like someone understands. That's an incredibly rare find for me. Thank you for sharing your work. I love it! :)
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:iconsaiyurisora01:
SaiyuriSora01 Oct 25, 2012  Student Writer
Thanks. :) I'm happy that people can connect to me through my poems. No one ever understands me :/
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:iconafropear:
AfroPear Oct 26, 2012  Hobbyist Artist
I feel the same way :/ It's really nice to know that someone can at least begin to understand. Thanks again for faving all my stuff! It means a lot :)
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:iconsaiyurisora01:
SaiyuriSora01 Oct 29, 2012  Student Writer
Np lol

It does suck that the person I made this for probably doesn't understand it. lol
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:iconafropear:
AfroPear Oct 29, 2012  Hobbyist Artist
I know how that goes lol. You can tell them over and over again in every possible way you can think of but no matter what, it just doesn't seem to sink in. I feel like a little piece of me dies each time I tell them and it doesn't get through. I just want them to know. :/
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:iconsaiyurisora01:
SaiyuriSora01 Nov 1, 2012  Student Writer
It sucks when they don't believe you because they've given up because of whut someone else did to them.
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:iconsith4brains:
It's very good. I don't have anything to suggest. OK, maybe instead of using twice the "the words would never come out" you should use a metaphor or some imagery to amplify the difficulty. Just a suggestion...Its great as it is.
PS: Remember that song I wrote for a friend of mine? You can listen to it on YouTube. The link is on my journal. It's crude but I guess you can listen to it.
:-) Great job!
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:iconsaiyurisora01:
SaiyuriSora01 Oct 21, 2012  Student Writer
Thanks, I'll try to think of something.
I heard the song :D I love it!
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