Everything Is Falling Apart.If I'm gone don't, don't look for me. I'm probably in a better place. Don't wake me, my dreams are probably better than reality. I'm lost at sea on a raft that's barely floating, drifting into unknown territory.
ToxicityYou kiss me to draw the words from my mouthOh whut a sweet sin this taste is.If I slit my wrists would I bleed out red?If I died right here,Would you love me instead?
Lonely RainAs liquid drops form on everything,I look around,The whole world becomes anew,I can feel the darkness being washed from me,Slipping away drop by drop,Slowly,In this lonely rain,
A LetterIt's been a while since we've spoken; eleven months maybe? The days seem to go by, the seasons change, but it still doesn't feel the same. I'm getting better slowly, it doesn't hurt as much as it used to but I still find myself crying at night. There's someone new in my life; he's amazing, but I still feel my heart ache for something I can't have. Death is sadistic thing. It haunts you until you can't take it anymore and drains your life of happiness. Maybe in eleven more months I'll be okay again.
LostI wish I could find myself at the bottom of an empty bottle,Or the pack of cigarettes lying next to me,But it doesn't feel right without you,Nothing could ever stop this pain spreading from my chest,An ache from the deepest depths of my splintered soul,Part of me left with you,But who am I now?
Trapped TruthThe truth is, I can’t get close to anyone because I know no one will ever truly understand me. No one will take the time to understand my demons. Talk to my monsters. Soothe my raging beasts. I’m alone in my darkness and I always will be. Trapped forever and no one will ever love me.
Maybe One DayThere once was a girl, a girl and her best friend. She was madly in love with him and he never knew. It was better that way. Her, silently dying inside. Him, obliviously in love with a sin. She forced herself every day to remember that he could never love her like she did him. He remained in the dark about her love until the very end. Every sin ends one day, she wanted it to come so badly, but at the same time she didn’t. Two hearts, both intertwined, both torn. Two sides of a broken piece that one day may fit together to form a new one. Only time would tell.
I Need YouI hear your voice in the distance,But it's too far away,All I can see is darkness,All I can feel is numb,Just the intake of breath is difficult,And with each step I get nowhere,I’m lost within the darkness of my soul,Where are you when I need you most,I hear you,But with each word you’re farther away,Don’t leave me here,I can’t do this on my own,I’m fading away slowly,Please save me,Soon everything I am will be gone.
Moments.So here we are again,Laying in silence,The regret on these sheets is self evident,But not from me,You fall asleep and I just lay there,My thoughts race back through my memories,I realize I've never been this happy,What's swirling around your dreams is a mystery,I may not see this again,It will forever remain in my memory,Your sleeping face is calming,You're even smiling,But even behind that is chaos.
Your feelings are validI once readthat a teaspoon of matterfrom a black holecan weigh thousands of tonsupon Earthso think about thatwhen someone tells youyour problem is no big dealforit may not looklike I have the weight of the worldupon my shoulders but it sure can feel like it.
FarewellThe sudden void into the unhinged mind of a demented soul,The rapture of a lucid dream, falling into an obliterated consciousnessThe devastating coma of a genius protagonist, completing the epic tale of a lifeIt was all but a dream, a chimera, an excruciating lie.The nothingness digging its claws into a cryptic vision,The finality of a banal, vain existenceNever to be remembered, nor praised for its perpetual battle against agony.There is nothing,Nothing but the sharp sound of shattering glass,Nothing but a hollow shell on the edge of the world.This is where I depart, this is where I bow down,This is where my crude hatred vanishes with my existenceThere is nothing but a vague memory, of a silent soldier walking against the wind,The pallid remembrance of a once scintillating simperGood fortune to you all, for my path lies beneath the riverAnd with it, a single breathe to be released upon all as a somber farewell.
.my heartbecomesa madmantakingan axeto its ownbody
Fairy Tale GirlFairy tale little girl.She wears a crown upon her head,And befriends the monsters under her bed.She sings songs to birds.But no one ever heardHer cries when the castle walls came tumbling down.Real world little girl.She weaves herself a fantasy inside her mind.Hoping to findThe same peace from when she was young.And she's like water colors.So soft, and easily washed away.She is the soft blues in the morning of a new day.I found her hiding within her tower.Far above the real world below.She is so broken but never lets it show,So desperate for some fairy tale ending.She asked me quietly one day,'Do you think the world will ever be like my story books?'I thought for a moment before replying,'In order to survive there are some bad things you have to overlook.''The world is grey.'I heard her say one day.As if accepting the odd mixture of good and bad.Her voice sounded happy and sad,All at once.As she ripped away the last pageIn her story book.
beautiful.i hate my stretchmarksthe vertical the horizontal the ones running miles down my armsstripes on a circus tentmy body is a freak show75 cents a ticketthey are the bars on a cagetrapping me inside this prison cell of flesh (not letting me run away from all i once was)reminding me that i am still that little girl who was told that she had toomuch weight in her stomachand in her thighs to be called beautifulmy stretchmarks are the debris from when i tried to collapse upon myselftried taking up less space because beautiful is small beautiful is skinnydiets upon dietsbecause i've been told thati am only worth the sharpness of my collarbone
Between life and death again and again on my kneesbroken by those who should help me standnot sad nor happy in this lifeforgotten fallen and getting upagainagain and againevery timeafter every fallmore determined to keep standingmore desperate to avoid anotherfall depression doesn´t hurtit´s beyond limits of sadnessbeyond any other feeling known by mam why?being alive is too hardthere are easier ways around why to stand up after fall? standingstubbornly holding on worthless thingspatiently crying when no one hearsbroken pieces glued togetherby what? life effort testing limits of strengthbuying time to find more willforgetting to smilewhat did it feel likefor the last time? a
Dear Homophobic ParentsDear homophobic parents,How the fuck do you think it makes me feelWhen you walk out of the room cryingBecause you can’t stand the thought of something I can’t control.I’ll tell you that it makes my insides burn.The living room feels like a closet.Suffocating, and yet I can breathe fine.I am choking on the air,Polluted by your homophobic slurs.You’re hypocrites.Making uneducated guesses about things you know nothing about.Someone ought to teach you to look shit upBefore you go about, shouting your false claims to the world.My very existence is an error.Some messed up chemical defect that went wrong,I don’t belongAnywhere.I am the Titanic,To you I am supposed to be perfectAnd unsinkable.I am supposed to be straight, and happy, and fine.But I am so very far from fine,When my lungs are filling up with water,Your words are an ice berg,And I am sinking fast.
Why I DanceI dance as if I am sick,And the movement is medication.As if getting up in the morning just to practice is the only motivationTo stay awake.Because well- worn soft shoesFeel like home.The world is cold, and lonely.But when I dance, there is a fire inside my heart, warm and lively.I feel like a bird,Like I am able to fly as high as I want.Gravity, I tauntAs I laugh in its face.Because the Earth was never a placeFor me.Because leaping across dance floors,Allows me to soarHigher than I could in my dreams.Hard shoe dances make me feel powerful.Like a raging storm at sea.My stamps, and clicks are crashing waves.But I am also the sea breeze.Strong and graceful.When I dance I feel like I am tradingSecrets with the universe.My head is clear,And my will power is strong.I am a force to be feared.On bad days,The rhythms of hard shoes sound like a heart- beat.A life line.And I’ll dance until my feet bleedJust to feel something.Because dancing is the only thing
A Letter to the Girl who Hates her BodyA letter to the girl who hates her body.A letter to that girlWho scrolls through tumblr.Admiring all of those models.With thigh gaps that look cute with skirts.And a waist that you can barely see.You're beautifulA letter to the girlWho looks at models,For their curves.The way their hips go outwardsAnd their size D cup breasts.You're beautiful.Please don't look in the mirror,And hate the girl you see.That girl is youAnd she should be loved unconditionally.Because you deserve love.And how much love is not determined on your waist size,Whether you're chubby or skinnyYou're still so very pretty.You're so perfect.So for every time you look in that mirror.And tell yourself you aren't worth it.That you're arms are too big,Your hips aren't big enough.Stop.Tell yourself.I am a woman.A lady.I am strong.I have a body like a castle.A kingdom made just for me.And I will not destroy that castle,By trying to starve myself.By taking brick by brick and dismantling it
ConnectionAs I fall asleep,I dream of you,The way your smile makes my heart soar,The way your words make my mind's trouble sleep,The way your soul collides with mine,As we form a connection,That stretches across time.