Darkness closes around me,
Shutting off the air,
My lungs scream in fear,
My fingers grope for air,
As my vision fades,
I see you reaching for me,
I try to reach out,
But the life leaves my body....
Everything Is Falling Apart.If I'm gone don't, don't look for me. I'm probably in a better place. Don't wake me, my dreams are probably better than reality. I'm lost at sea on a raft that's barely floating, drifting into unknown territory.
ToxicityYou kiss me to draw the words from my mouth
Oh whut a sweet sin this taste is.
If I slit my wrists would I bleed out red?
If I died right here,
Would you love me instead?
Lonely RainAs liquid drops form on everything,
I look around,
The whole world becomes anew,
I can feel the darkness being washed from me,
Slipping away drop by drop,
In this lonely rain,
A LetterIt's been a while since we've spoken; eleven months maybe? The days seem to go by, the seasons change, but it still doesn't feel the same. I'm getting better slowly, it doesn't hurt as much as it used to but I still find myself crying at night. There's someone new in my life; he's amazing, but I still feel my heart ache for something I can't have. Death is sadistic thing. It haunts you until you can't take it anymore and drains your life of happiness. Maybe in eleven more months I'll be okay again.
LostI wish I could find myself at the bottom of an empty bottle,
Or the pack of cigarettes lying next to me,
But it doesn't feel right without you,
Nothing could ever stop this pain spreading from my chest,
An ache from the deepest depths of my splintered soul,
Part of me left with you,
But who am I now?
Trapped TruthThe truth is, I can’t get close to anyone because I know no one will ever truly understand me. No one will take the time to understand my demons. Talk to my monsters. Soothe my raging beasts. I’m alone in my darkness and I always will be. Trapped forever and no one will ever love me.
Maybe One DayThere once was a girl, a girl and her best friend. She was madly in love with him and he never knew. It was better that way. Her, silently dying inside. Him, obliviously in love with a sin. She forced herself every day to remember that he could never love her like she did him. He remained in the dark about her love until the very end. Every sin ends one day, she wanted it to come so badly, but at the same time she didn’t. Two hearts, both intertwined, both torn. Two sides of a broken piece that one day may fit together to form a new one. Only time would tell.
I Need YouI hear your voice in the distance,
But it's too far away,
All I can see is darkness,
All I can feel is numb,
Just the intake of breath is difficult,
And with each step I get nowhere,
I’m lost within the darkness of my soul,
Where are you when I need you most,
I hear you,
But with each word you’re farther away,
Don’t leave me here,
I can’t do this on my own,
I’m fading away slowly,
Please save me,
Soon everything I am will be gone.
Moments.So here we are again,
Laying in silence,
The regret on these sheets is self evident,
But not from me,
You fall asleep and I just lay there,
My thoughts race back through my memories,
I realize I've never been this happy,
What's swirling around your dreams is a mystery,
I may not see this again,
It will forever remain in my memory,
Your sleeping face is calming,
You're even smiling,
But even behind that is chaos.
Ugly Scars“Why do you cut, dear?”
“Doesn’t it hurt?”
Of course it does –
It hurts more than I’m worth
“Why do you cut, dear?”
“Aren’t you ashamed?”
Of course I’m embarrassed,
But I’m used to the blame.
“Why do you cut, dear?”
“Why don’t you stop?”
Can you stop a dead body
From starting to rot?
Because, darling, you see,
I’m not even here.
I’m only a corpse
With no hope, and no fear.
“Why do you cut dear?”
Well, don’t you see?
There’s a pain inside
So deep within me
And it’s coming to the surface
But no one understands
So I put that pain
Inside my hands.
And I lay it out
For all to see
On wrists so red
And forearms that bleed.
“Why do you cut, dear?”
“It’s ugly, you know.”
“ugly” is exactly
What this is meant
bullets in a shot glassAgain the archers are aching,
again their bones are breaking
like the cracks in the Colosseum.
Death does not defend
fighters; he does not fulfill
godly goals of
heaven and halos.
I am inverted, introverted,
a jester jeering
at kids who kiss
like life is long enough to fall in love.
my mouth is a machine,
a new nightfall
ordering our soldiers out
into pits where they pray for peace.
the quirks of our
ridiculous readings rule us,
sand us into sculptures
thin and tall, trembling.
our universe is built on uncertainty
and vicious virtues
written by long-dead warriors who
expected to live forever, and
I do not yield to your
Self-Harm Isn't a HandbagPick at the scabs of the ghosts of scars
On the insides of my wrists,
White hot pain memories shoot up my veins
And the tear vapour creates mists
In the lenses of my glasses.
My world narrows down to those
White stitch marks that keep the
Patchwork of my forearms and thighs
Keeping the dark ugly hurt
On the insides
How could I have done this to myself?
Could I blame you?
And her too?
I’m a big girl now,
And the blame rests on my wrists,
That flicked the blade
And sprayed the blood,
And the mind that forbade
Me to ask for help.
I’ve said it before
And I’ll say it again;
It isn’t beautiful
To put yourself through such pain.
When your head is buzzing
From the hit of the high
Of a new cut on your thigh,
Or your mind is lost in a mist
Of ecstasy from a new slice
On your wrist
And you’re dependent on it
A junkie needing a hit,
It isn’t pretty or cute or special.
No amount of kisses
Will undo the cuts
Or absorb the scars.
he saved me, but he killed me.
i. first light- i met you in a crimson forest.
it was a rose garden summer, and out of a black mercedes
you walked out, your five year old eyes greener than
you reached up to pluck a rose from its stem, and offered it to me.
"what's your name?"
daddy told me that i couldn't tell strangers my real name.
I looked at the rose in my hand.
you smiled, you were a seastorm of now long-gone innocence.
i didn't understand
but I knew.
ii. i forgot about you for
1562 days, 11 hours, and 22 minutes,
my name, but i didn't recognize you
until i saw your eyes.
iii. my father fell and didn't stand back up again.
i screamed, and you carried me home.
iv. i didn't talk for a week.
i stared at the gray of the sky. it was the color of my father's eyes.
you sat next to me in the pouring rain,
Anxiety attackAs the attack begins,
I feel myself slipping away again.
And I question things that are better left unsaid.
And contemplate if I am better off dead.
My anxiety is killing me,
I feel my hands shaking.
And I am sobbing.
And am I dying?
I am just trying,
To get a grip.
But I feel my reality slip through my finger tips.
Nothing is real,
Except every bit of pain my mind forces me to feel.
Every memory that I had shoved away.
Is now racing around my brain.
It's driving me insane.
And my limbs turn to jello.
Every time my head hits the pillow,
Before I go to bed.
I start to panic and I am wide awake instead.
More thoughts are swarming around like a hurricane.
Make it stop!
And just like that,
The attack is gone.